


Ten Alternate Universes - The Doctor and River Song

by DaibhidC



Category: Doctor Who, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Cyberpunk, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Pirate, Alternate Universe - School, Alternate Universe - Shapeshifters, Alternate Universe - Space, Alternate Universe - Steampunk, Alternate Universe - Western, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2019-01-17 17:50:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12370869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaibhidC/pseuds/DaibhidC
Summary: The challenge: "Give me a character/pairing and I will write snippets of ten different alternate universes for it."The universes: Wild West, Cyberpunk, Shapeshifters, Pirates, ...In SPACE!!, Born Another Gender, Schoolfic, Police/Firefighters, Urban Fantasy, SteampunkThe characters: the Doctor and River





	Ten Alternate Universes - The Doctor and River Song

**Author's Note:**

> Not actually prompted for this one; I just felt like writing it.

**Wild West**

The Doctor shook the reins to gee up the horses. “What did you say was in this wagon?” he yelled, over the gunfire from the posse behind them.

“Fossils!” River shouted from the back of the wagon, “I thought getting involved in the dinosaur-hunting craze was a good investment!” She fired her shotgun, but more to let their pursuers know she had it than out of any optimism she’d hit anything the way the Doctor was driving.

“Well, apparently, some of them are a bit more crazed than you thought!”  He turned to look at her. “Where _exactly_ did you get those fossils? Someone else’s claim? Native sacred sites? The Lost Dutchman Mine?”

River kept her eye on the posse, “I think that about covers it, yes.”

 

**Cyberpunk**

“It’s called data-archaeology,” River explained. “It’s all about decoding old formats, excavating forgotten websites, even finding ways to read obsolete media.”

“I know what data-archaeology is,” the Doctor replied, “I just didn’t realise it involved physically blowing up a mainframe in order to escape a Black ICE program someone left there fifty years ago.”

River grinned. “Only if you’re doing it right.”

 

**Shapeshifters**

“Interesting,” said River, studying herself in the mirror, “I thought you said I used up all my regenerations when I saved you.”

“I thought you had,” admitted the Doctor, “I mean, using regeneration energy to restore another Time Lord’s life isn’t really an exact science. You, ah, you do realise you now look like Elizabeth I?”

“Rule seventeen, sweetie. Be aware of the competition.”

 

**Pirates**

“Ahoy, the rowboat!” River called from the bridge of the _Lady Idris_ , “Who are you and why are you approaching my vessel?”

The Doctor glared at her from the boat, “ _Your_ vessel?”

“Well, you weren’t actually using it…”

“I went to bury the treasure! I was only away for two hours!”

 

**…In SPACE!!**

“Look,” the captain of the ship River had chartered said, “I’ve got no problem with carrying just about anything, but I like to know what it is. The amount you’re paying is enough to keep Chewie in food for months, so it’s obviously pretty valuable.”

“Artefacts,” River replied, “We’ve been on a special mission to find historic artefacts and keep them out of the hands of the Sith. And by ‘we’, I mean _I_ was on a special mission and _he_ tagged along.”

“I don’t ‘tag along’,” protested the Doctor, “I refuse to let you tell Captain Solo I was ‘tagging along’. I’m the one who found all those traps!”

“Setting off traps doesn’t actually count as finding them, dear.”

“So, you’re what, adventure archaeologists?” said Solo, “I’ve never heard of anything more ridiculous.”

The Doctor glared at River. “He’d believe us if someone hadn’t blastered my fedora.”

 

**Born Another Gender**

He’d been waiting impatiently for the surgeon. Eventually Nardole had returned with a tall, grey-haired woman, who had the air of authority he associated with medical personnel and was instantly annoyed by.

“River!” the woman cried when she saw him. The familiarity in her tone caught him by surprise.

“How do you know me?” he demanded.

“Well, it’s very complicated. People usually need a flowchart.”

“It doesn’t matter,” River decided, “My husband is dying.”

The surgeon doubletaked. “Husband?" she repeated, "I am _definitely_ going to need a bigger flowchart…”

 

**Schoolfic**

“Would the following students please report to the headmaster’s office,” came the announcement over the HG Wells High PA system, “Pond, Melody. Song, River. Doctor, Matt.”

Matt looked around in panic. “But I didn’t _do_ anything! I was sitting quietly in history class and they sort of roped me in!”

“Sorry,” Mels laughed, “But there’s no way old Maxil will believe one of the Doctor brothers got dragged into an adventure by a girl, instead of the other way round!”

“Oh, he will,” said River, “Unless you _want_ Matt to get the credit for something we did?”

“Yeah, that’s a point.”

 

**Mirror Universe**

The Leader scowled across his desk. How had it come to this?

In his third incarnation, when those fools on Gallifrey had first exiled him to Earth, the renegade Time Lord had controlled the British Republic, until the Inferno disaster had made it not worth ruling. Now here he was, stuck at the Vulgar End of Time, engaged in petty theft.

Well, he wasn’t _personally_ engaged in petty theft. When you were an evil mastermind, you had minions for that sort of thing.

Brook Tune, the galaxy’s greatest cat-burglar, entered his office and threw a crystal on the table. “There you go, boss. Straight from the remains of Koschei’s TARDIS. That should be enough to get you started.”

“Thank you, Brook. There wasn’t any … trouble, was there?”

“What, on Earth? Under the Kaled Protectorate? If you don’t bother them, they don’t bother you, you know that.”

“And you _didn’t_ bother them? Start a firefight, blow a few of them up, anything like that?”

Brook looked puzzled, “Why would I do that? Subtle and careful, that’s how burglary works.”

The Leader sighed. He had … well, a certain amount of affection for Brook, but the woman was far too soft for this line of work. That’s what happened if you were raised by a church, he supposed.

 

**Urban Fantasy**

“Doctor,” River said, “You got my note.”

“Yes, it wasn’t very informative, but I take it you want help with something?”

“There’s a _little_ situation that I could _possibly_ use a bit of assistance with…”

“Let me guess, you excavated an active site and angered a spirit, demon, fey or undead?”

River gave him a sharp look. “What makes you say that?”

“It’s been about a month since the last one. You were overdue.”

 

**Steampunk**

Professor Miss River Song, archaeologist and adventuress, activated her galvanic lantern, and looked around the Library of Alexandria. Not the one that had burnt, of course, but the hidden one where the dangerous ideas had been kept. Almost all knowledge of it had been lost with the surface library, but with the sponsorship of Strackman Industries (the manufacturers of the Strackman Lux lantern she was holding) she had found enough clues to deduce its location.

 “This,” she told her team, in hushed tones, “is one of the greatest archeological finds of the 19th century. I hope you are all suitably impressed.”

The group’s physician, a gangly figure in a long coat, who had mistakenly responded to a telegram Professor Song had sent to a colleague of his, looked round. “Perhaps,” he said, “But is it a proper library if it doesn’t contain some manner of gift shop?”

Professor Song decided, not for the first time on this voyage, that the best thing to do was ignore him.


End file.
